shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Boobs speak an international language.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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