Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
