I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
