She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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