Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
