some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
