True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
