Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
