Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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