hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
