Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
