He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
