this beer tastes like vomit already
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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