I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
