Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
