No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
