Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
