He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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