so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
