It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
