How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
