youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
