either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
