Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
