Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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