guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Even my vagina gasped.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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