i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
