my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
