Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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