Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just pee around me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
