you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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