his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
