we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
