Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
