Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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