if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
