but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
