True but thats because hes a fetus.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
