Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
