Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
