did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
