just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
