You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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