PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
