Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
