You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
