He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
