Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
