I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
