i wish peter jackson would direct porn
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
