You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
