i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
