Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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