Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize