At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
