I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize