she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
