the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
