Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
