I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
