Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want to walk on stilts...naked
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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