I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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