Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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