In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
