What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I pour the whiskey from now on
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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