areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
