So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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