im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
