I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
