He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
