im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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